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Saturday, April 4, 2015

Concentration Camp

I went to a concentration camp, but it was canceled. The next year they renamed it "A seminar on the creation of reduced storage fruit juice."

Attendance was much higher, but I miss the alliteration.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Near Miss


Near miss
 On March 27, 2015 the 3000 foot diameter asteroid YB35 had a “near miss” of earth by 2.8 million miles.

In this case near miss means throwing a bb at the Space Needle in Seattle Washington and having it land somewhere in Boise Idaho.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Toilets Against Humanity

Toilets against Humanity

 A toilet seat typically has about 50 bacteria per square inch whereas human skin typically has millions. This means that for any grouping of humanity, no matter how broad or specific it is possible to state that “the (external body part or region) of (human group) is dirtier than a toilet seat”.

Of course one should use this power responsibly.

Hipsters lips are dirtier than toilet seats.

The knees of politicians over 50 are dirtier than a toilet seat.

The hands of all baristas named Ed who repeatedly mistake almond milk for soy are dirtier than a toilet seat.